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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24711208">The Boy on the Rooftop</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifear3/pseuds/ifear3'>ifear3</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Unus Annus - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Depressed!Ethan, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, OOC characters, Suicidal Thoughts/Actions, Swearing, offensive slurs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 11:02:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,328</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24711208</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifear3/pseuds/ifear3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ethan was 17 years old when his parents died, and from there it seemed things could only go downhill. Between his prominent struggle with finding himself, dealing with an asshole brother, and grieving for his folks, he felt like the world was crashing down on him.</p><p>Life was starting to feel like nothing but a constant cycle of work, recording, and editing. The exhaustion and pain eventually drove Ethan to the roof of an apartment complex he didn’t even live in.</p><p>But a man saw him standing there at the edge, and Ethan thinks he owes a lot to this certain man.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>It’s platonic though, Mark Fischbach/Amy Nelson, Mark Fischbach/Ethan Nestor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>157</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. A Strange Man</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey, so to all two of you reading this (I love you mommy and daddy &lt;3) this story contains lots of graphic stuff like death and suicidal actions and... well, you read the tags I guess. I’m just venting to be honest. But then again, aren’t we all?</p><p>Umm, so I changed a lot of canon things around in this story because plot convenience?? And they don’t date or kiss or anything cuz I don’t really believe in writing fanfiction about real people (especially with non canon ships), in fact I hate myself for doing this, it’s just so fucking fun dude. I’m really just using Mark and Ethan as characters tbh. Also I’m depressed. Did I mention that?</p><p>But anyways, don’t enjoy because if you do you’re lying to yourself xx</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ethan could see is breath billowing in front of his eyes as he ran. He was moving at almost top speed, which was quite fast for his generally light and athletic body, but his mind was moving even faster.</p><p>Thoughts raced through his head. They came and went so quickly Ethan couldn’t even alalyze them, which left an odd feeling of empty numbness filling his skull. He shivered, but not because it was goddamn freezing and windy as hell; because of how weird he felt, as if he wasn’t in control of his own body, his own mind. As if he was being crushed and controlled by the sheer pressures and expectations of life. It filled his heart with an icy grimness, pessimism that could probably freeze over the beaches of California.</p><p>He thought about how he had been happy, and how quickly that’d changed.</p><p>How he still sometimes felt happy but it was only to feel sad again.</p><p>How he would soon feel happy again, but in that moment? There was nothing but deep rooted pain. Living was becoming such a huge cycle, to the point where happiness only made him think about how he would soon be back in his usual state of depression.</p><p>So Ethan ran. He ran and ran up the apartment building stairs, taking them two at a time and huffing as he went. Despite his exhaustion, he didn’t slow. He liked the way breathing in the cold air gave him a shock adrenaline, and the way he could hear his own blood rushing in his ears. The sensations were suppressing his fear and regret more and more by the second.</p><p>He just felt so alive... really alive for someone who would soon be dead.</p><p>Finally, Ethan reached the last two stairs. He caught his breath, drinking in the delicious crisp taste of winter in Maine. The stars and moon were absolutely jarring, shining brightly against the dark, endless night sky. As he looked up at one of nature’s masterpieces, Ethan thought about his family. He thought about sitting in his mother’s lap as a child, on the porch, gazing at that same exact sky. He thought about his father’s hearty laugh as he made jokes and sipped a bottle of Pepsi. His brother, sitting beside him and giggling at virtually everything his dad said.</p><p>But Ethan snapped himself out of it, realizing he had dwindled all too long. He couldn’t think, he had to just do, because if he thought about it too much he might have to go on living his stupid life. So Ethan walked up to the edge of the rooftop, chin up and standing tall. He figured that maybe if his posture was confident, he could convince his mind to be too. But for some reason, he faltered again.</p><p>No, no, no... he had to. He couldn’t stop then, he had to press on. He didn’t know if he could stand another day, working tirelessly and then getting told off by his drunk brother. Surely he wouldn’t chicken out, not at the last possible moment.</p><p>But still, the hesitation. Did he really wanna do this? Did he want to die or did he just want the pain to stop?</p><p>“What’s the fucking difference?” He said aloud in raw frustration, taking another bold step closer. His toes were over the edge then, and he could see the far drop below. He could see the way the deserted street had frost over it, claiming the hard asphalt just like death would claim him.</p><p>Ethan’s heart pounded in his throat as he braced to leap. He began chanting convincingly to himself, the ground far below blurring when he teared up. “It will be quick. It won’t hurt for long. It will be worth it once it’s all over. A little physical pain is nothing compared to... to...”</p><p>Suddenly, very strong arms were around his chest, pulling him back. He let out a strangled yelp as shock ran through him, his initial instinct to flail and fight against the unknown force, but the person held on tight.</p><p>It took a second but when Ethan realized this person was not actually trying to do anything bad to him, he felt cold, hard disappointment forming in his stomach. Why? Because he had failed. This asshole probably didn’t want him to kill himself, therefore he’d likely have to live another day.</p><p>The sheer weight of this thought made Ethan sob forcefully, all his issues suddenly crashing down on him. He went completely limp in the stranger’s arms, to which they responded by turning him around and letting him cry into their shirt. This person held Ethan close, allowing him to completely break down.</p><p>“Let go... let go! Let go of me! Please... I-I <em>can’t</em>...” Ethan sobbed pathetically, making a very feeble effort to escape once again.</p><p>After a second, the stranger replied in a deep but hushed voice. “No. No, I don’t want you to do what you were just about to do, okay? You’re gonna stay right here and it’s gonna be alright.”</p><p>“Fuck... fuck... damn it! I need-“ he coughed, choking on his own spit from breathing so heavily. His knees gave out beneath him as his upright stance relied on stranger-man more and more (Ethan didn’t wanna assume he was a man but he was kind of assuming after hearing his voice).</p><p>“Shh...” the man shushed him, dropping down to his knees while still maintaining an iron grip on Ethan’s body. They both went down together, Ethan melting against the man’s chest and crying ever harder.</p><p>After what seemed like actually forever, Ethan stopped bawling his eyes out. By this point he was reduced to a mess of whimpers, hiccups, sniffles, and incoherent mumbling.</p><p>The man rubbed his back and talked for the first time in a while. “I’m not gonna let go of you until I know you’re safe, you know that right?”</p><p>That idea made Ethan feel like he could start crying all over again, but he didn’t end up having the energy to do that. His eyes simply watered as he didn’t respond.</p><p>“Hey, what’s your name?”</p><p>Ethan raised a shaky hand to move his hair out of his face as he processed the question. With lots of emotions crashing through him at once, wave after wave, he found it hard to comprehend simple English words.</p><p>But eventually he answered in a small voice, albeit feeling like he had to pull it forcefully from his throat. “E-Ethan... Ethan Nestor.”</p><p>“Ethan, gotcha. How old are you, Ethan?”</p><p>This guy was talking to him like a little kid, and honestly Ethan was kind of okay with it. It showed that the guy cared, and that was all Ethan had been craving: someone who cared, or at least just acted like it.</p><p>“Well... you didn’t tell me your name.” Ethan pointed out coyly.</p><p>Stranger-man let out a small chuckle. “Oh, sorry. My name is Mark. Mark Fischbach.”</p><p>Ethan blinked in surprise. <em>Mark Fischbach</em>, as in literal Markiplier, which was surely some kind of weird fucking joke.</p><p>“Can you... can you let go of me? I promise I won’t do anything. I just think- I just wanna see you.”</p><p>Mark hesitated before letting his arms drop from around him. For a moment, he looked tentative, as if ready to lunge forward at any sudden movements, so for Mark’s sake, Ethan shifted back slowly, adjusting his posture without jerking his body too fast. Soon, the man was in full view, with a chiseled jaw and ebony eyes that matched dark hair-or they would if he hadn’t dyed it bright pink.</p><p>Yup, this was Markiplier alright.</p><p>“You’re Markiplier... goddamnit, one of my favorite YouTubers saved me from killing myself. Maybe life is worth living after all.” He tried the lighten the situation with a stupid joke, to which Mark offered a half chuckle.</p><p>“I, um... I’m the one that did the backflips for you earlier this year at PAX...” added Ethan as if it was helpful or something. He also figured he’d be a lot more excited about talking with Markiplier one on one if he wasn’t feeling so shitty.</p><p>“Oh, right! No wonder you’re familiar.”</p><p>“Yeah. What’re you doing all the way out here?”</p><p>“Amy and I are on our way to somewhere else... I can’t spoil that though, it’s for a video. But, uh, our second flight got delayed and stuff, so now we’re gonna be stuck here for a little. Probably end up staying an extra day because they say it’ll likely get completely cancelled and so...”</p><p>“That’s rough.”</p><p>“Yeah. This is why I hate layovers. I took a two AM walk to clear my mind and... saw you standing up here. I felt like I couldn’t just walk away.”</p><p>Ethan looked down at his hands, face heating up slightly. What were the damn chances that Markiplier, an amazing YouTuber from across the world, would find some nobody standing on a rooftop, about to end his worthless life? It seemed impossible to Ethan and he wondered what kind of awful fever dream he was having.</p><p>They were silent for a couple of minutes, just sitting, close enough to feel each other’s warmth. The silence actually felt pretty comfortable until Mark decided to break it again.</p><p>“So, um... earlier I asked how old you are and you never answered. I mean, you don’t really have to, but I was just wondering.”</p><p>“I just turned eighteen last month.”</p><p>“Oh, wow. You look-“</p><p>“Young for my age. I know, I’ve heard it.” Ethan cracked a tiny smile as he ran his fingers through his hair again.</p><p>Mark laughed. “Right”, he cleared his throat, “is there anything you like to do? Like... hobbies? Things that make you happy?”</p><p>Ethan thought for a second. Yeah, he had a few hobbies, and they did make him happy... at least for a little while. He briefly wondered why Mark would care, but answered the question nonetheless. “I do. I, um, like to sing... and I play ukelele, though I’m not that good.”</p><p>Mark nodded, encouraging him to go on.</p><p>“I... I used to do gymnastics but I stopped recently. I did it for years. It was one of my favorite things ever.” His voice held a slight tinge of nostalgia. God, he missed the feeling of flying through the air and the slight sting of his feet hitting the mat after a perfect trick. He missed the beams and the bars and the community, but he also missed how amazing his body felt. He was extremely toned and very healthy back then.</p><p>“Gymnastics, huh? That sounds cool. You seem like the type of guy.” The way Mark said that sounded a whole lot different from the boys at school who used to call Ethan things like <em>gay</em> and <em>faggot </em>for doing gymnastics. He winced a little as that memory came up in his mind, but covered it up by continuing to talk.</p><p>“Uh, but I think my most prominent hobby right now is YouTube. I make gaming stuff and have a pretty small following, but... it’s my favorite. I love it so much. Just the fact that I can make people’s day a little brighter with my shit makes me so happy.”</p><p>Mark smiled. “Yeah, same here. I love having a community on the internet to share things with, a place to be creative and do whatever I want. It’s so fulfilling”, he paused, “I’m glad you found YouTube, Ethan. From the way you talk about it you’re really determined and passionate, which is something that’s not that common and great to see.”</p><p>Tentatively, Ethan smiled back. He felt a strange warmth growing in his chest. Mark was just so kind and laid back, despite his usual on camera demeanor. His personality was calming and his words sincere, so talking to him chased away a lot of Ethan’s bad thoughts. He liked that Mark didn’t push him to talk about his problems or his reasons for wanting to jump, but simply cooled down the scenario with a casual conversation.</p><p>Ethan looked to his left at the edge he would’ve thrown himself off of minutes earlier had Mark not seen him. He looked at it sadly, realizing deep down that he would probably be back some day. But not tonight, he told himself decidedly, knowing very well that Mark wouldn’t allow it.</p><p>“You alright, buddy?” Ethan turned his head back as Mark spoke. He nodded, blinking his watery eyes.</p><p>“I’m alright... but, Mark?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I should really get going. I, um... need to get home. It’s real late.”</p><p>Mark nodded in understanding, the silhouette of his fluffy hair bouncing in the darkness. “Of course.”</p><p><em>Thank you</em>, Ethan wanted to say, but for some reason that felt wrong. So he settled on, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“What are you apologizing for?”</p><p>“Well, uh, if I had to guess it’s probably not every day you have to save some suicidal kid from jumping off a roof. Must’ve been... <em>stressful?</em> I mean, that kinda sounds like a lot of pressure and stuff.”</p><p>“I guess... but hey, it’s alright. I just wish I could do more to help you, Ethan. You seem like a real nice kid.”</p><p>“Do I? I mean, I cried all over you. Doesn’t seem like a real nice move to me”, a tiny grin played on his lips, “look at your shirt. It’s fucking soaked!”</p><p>“Yeah, well, the hotel has washing machines. I think I’ll be just fine.” He chuckled quietly, shifting in order to stand. Ethan followed suit.</p><p>“Do you have a phone, Ethan?” Mark asked.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“If I gave you my number, we could talk. I mean, we don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I feel like maybe it would help... when you’re feeling like this again, you know? Or if you just wanna chat.”</p><p>Ethan slowly nodded. He liked the thought of having someone to text or call whenever. In fact, he <em>really </em>liked it. “That would mean a lot to me”, he admitted sheepishly.</p><p>Mark grinned, looking slightly relieved as they exchanged numbers. After that, they silently made their way towards the many flights of stairs Ethan hadn’t even expected to be going back down. Once they reached the bottom and exited through the heavy metal door, they were ready to part ways. “Alright, Ethan. It was really nice meeting you and I hope we can talk again soon.” Mark said. It would’ve sounded extremely sarcastic had it not been coming from Mark, in which case it was genuine and sincere.</p><p>Ethan felt he could only nod in return. He was never really good at goodbyes.</p><p>Mark smiled kindly before walking off in the opposite direction Ethan would be going in. A weird feeling hit him as he watched; it was like a hopeful loneliness. He felt lonely after Mark’s presence was gone, yes, but at the same time the weight of the phone in his pocket gave him hope. Hope that he had someone to talk to and that for once he wouldn’t be abandoned.</p><p>Ethan shoved his hands in his pockets as he began the short walk back home, feet crunching on weeds that had once thrived in the sidewalk cracks but were claimed by the ice. He thought as he walked, about everything from his parents to his job to YouTube to his brother to Mark. As he fumbled to unlock his front door he came to a conclusion.</p><p>Maybe he’d give this shit a try.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Bittersweet Mornings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This took sO DAMN LONG</p><p>Like, I could sit here all day and complain to you about all the technical difficulties I had writing this, but I don’t wanna bore you, so... continue.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ethan was at the grocery store getting some essentials when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He jumped a little before fishing it out sloppily, trying to balance his milk and eggs with one arm and read the text with the other. He must’ve looked pretty stupid to the other people waiting in the grocery line, but Ethan tried not to think about that too much.</p><p>
  <em> <strong>9:44 AM</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Hey, Ethan. It’s Mark. Sorry if you’re busy or working or something, but I was wondering if you wanted to come get food with me? My flight leaves later this afternoon and I figured it’d be fun. It’s alright if you can’t though</strong>
</p><p>Someone cleared their throat behind Ethan, and he realized he hadn’t moved up in line. He shifted forward with a hurried “sorry!” before messily attempting to type back a text.</p><p><em> Hi Mark. That sounds great. I’m at the grocery store right now but I’ll be home in ten minutes or less. Don’t have work until 12:45 this afternoon </em> <em>  so I’m fre. </em></p><p>
  <em> *free lol </em>
</p><p>
  <em> i also know some pretty good brunch places around here if you’re interested </em>
</p><p>Ethan hastily put his phone away as he realized it was almost his turn to pay for his groceries. He felt it buzz in his pocket but decidedly ignored it until he began his walk home.</p><p>The cashier looked up at him with a small grin. “You’re all set, sir, have a nice day.”</p><p>”Thanks, you too!”</p><p>Ethan grinned a little as he exited the automatic doors into frigid air. He took a deep breath, filling his lungs with it. The grocery store always felt a little claustrophobic to him and he was never sure why; there were just so many things. Popping colors on ads and signs, blurs of people and high shelves stacked with duplicates upon duplicates of items. He always looked forward to going back outside and greeting the pale, watery sunlight.</p><p>After he finished walking through the parking lot and was on the sidewalk, Ethan pulled out his phone to see his messages.</p><p>
  <strong>hell yeah i’m interested babyyyyyyyyy</strong>
</p><p>Ethan couldn’t stifle a small giggle.</p><p>
  <em> lmao </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Well, there are a couple of places near my house. They’re cute little cafes, food is pretty good actually </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Tgere’s this place called Stanley’s, it’s probably got the best yelp reviews out of all of them to be honest </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Yeah, I was actually just looking at stanley’s on Yelp. Was thinking about going there, but we’d have to drive. Do you have a car?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em> Yeah. Let’s go there, then. Where can I pick you up? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Also heads up I’m walking home now so it won’t be long </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Outside my hotel probably. You want the address or would you know it by name lol</strong>
</p><p>
  <em> i’d probably know it by name </em>
</p><p>Ethan hummed to himself as Mark gave him the name of his hotel, which, to no surprise, he recognized immediately.</p><p>
  <em> Perfect </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’ll be there soon </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>cool beans dude</strong>
</p><p>
  <em> literally no one says cool beans </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>What if I do, asshole? Shut the fuck up XD</strong>
</p><p>Ethan laughed audibly, beginning to type out a reply. He almost immediately regretted this decision as his foot caught in a sidewalk crack. He fell pretty hard, getting a nice face full of concrete.</p><p>”Shit!” He cursed, hastily pulling himself up and glancing around to make sure nobody saw. As soon as he seemed to be in the clear, he surveyed the damage on himself. From what he could see, there was nothing but some bloodied hands and probably slightly bruised knees.</p><p>He cackled quietly as he started typing his next text to Mark.</p><p>
  <em> Lmfaoooo I literally just fell tryna text you and walk at the same time </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>haha are you ok?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em> Yea </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>maybe don’t text and walk dude. I’ll see you in a couple minutes</strong>
</p><p>
  <em> Ok lol see ya </em>
</p><p>Ethan stowed away his phone in his back pocket, careful not to get blood on his ass from his hands. Wouldn’t want Mark to think he was on his period, now would he? Smirking at the thought, he started walking just a little faster. It usually didn’t take him this long to walk home, but he’d been texting Mark. It had always been hard for Ethan to do more than one thing at once with all the things at their full capacity, and this was just an example of that.</p><p>It wasn’t long after the end of his and Mark’s conversation that his house came into view; the white one at the corner. But if he was honest with himself, Ethan didn’t think it was all that white anymore. From decades of weathering, it had definitely turned a muddy gray color, especially at the bottom.</p><p>Ethan sighed as he came up to his driveway, and then his front door. Putting down the grocery bag by his feet, he pulled out his key and set to work on that stupid, rusty lock that always took a little bit of maneuvering to open. He grunted as he finally got it open, stepping quietly into his own humble abode.</p><p>Not wanting to wake his brother, who was likely fast asleep somewhere, Ethan was quick in grabbing the car keys from the quartz kitchen counter. He didn’t carry them on him because he usually preferred walking to driving when going places. Everything was pretty much close by, and he liked getting the fresh air he wouldn’t really get otherwise.</p><p>After promptly exiting the premise and locking the door, Ethan climbed into the old family car’s driver seat. He was surprised to find it relatively clean after having expected there to be lots of shit to clean up, especially in the passenger’s seat.</p><p>Ethan pushed the thought away before starting the car. He pulled his phone out and shot a quick text to Mark.</p><p>
  <em> on my way </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Wowwww. So you were texting and walking, but now you’re texting and driving? Awful, just awful</strong>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m not, idiot! Still in the driveway </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Then I guess you aren’t really on your way are you?</strong>
</p><p>
  <em> Smh, youre literally insufferable. I should just leave you out there in the cold </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>(;</strong>
</p><p>He chuckled, dropping his phone in the cup holder and changing the gear to reverse. While he drove, he thought about Mark, and how surprisingly well the two of them were getting on. It really wasn’t that often that Ethan talked to people like this; where half the conversation was just fun teasing and where it felt like everything was an inside joke. Where it seemed that maybe they could talk forever and not even get bored. It just sorta looked that way with Mark, even though they had just met literally less than ten hours ago.</p><p>But he lives across the world, Ethan reminded himself. Surely they wouldn’t be able to stay in touch. Being friends with Mark was probably just a two day fantasy he got to live.</p><p>Ethan pushed the thoughts away frustratedly as he made a turn at the intersection. He really didn’t want to think about that just then. He wanted to have a good time with Mark while he was there instead of looking too far ahead, something he always made the mistake of doing.</p><p>Much to his relief, though, he was pulling up to Mark’s hotel before he could ponder about much of anything else.</p><p>-</p><p>Mark was waiting in the lobby of his hotel for Ethan to show, holding his phone in his hand to make sure he didn’t miss any texts. He plopped down next to some girl as he decided he may as well sit while he thought. Gosh, he sure hoped Amy didn’t mind him just going off on some expedition like this, though deep down he knew she didn’t. She was very chill about this kind of stuff and that was definitely something Mark loved about her. Besides, she’d wanted to sleep in anyways, and Mark couldn’t even blame her. The flight had been pretty rough... even he could feel the wrath of jet lag dragging him down.</p><p>He blinked, coming back to reality as his phone let out a dinging sound.</p><p>
  <em>I’m outside. Are you ready?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Yeah, sorry, was just waiting inside. How do you survive here, it’s so fucking cold man</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>You get used to it lmao</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe you would if you weren’t such a wuss</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>Oh, fuck off, local. I live in LA</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I’m coming out now</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Haha ok</em>
</p><p>Mark shoved his phone and hands in his jacket pocket as he pushed the heavy front hotel door open. He shivered as he hit that familiar wall of cold air, breath billowing upwards as he sighed. Parked at the curb was a gray Nissan Altima with a couple of scratches on the side, but other than that not too shabby. He opened the door and bent over to get in.</p><p>“Hey”, Ethan said, offering a slightly shy smile. Mark returned it brightly as he realized this was the first time he was seeing the boy’s face in full light. His hair was blue, something Mark had for some reason failed to notice the night before. He had figured it was just blonde since it looked simply bright colored. What an odd trick of the light.</p><p>He continued to drink in the new information. Ethan had hazel eyes that seemed to lean more towards the blue side (probably because of the hair) and a very scrawny frame.</p><p>A small laugh emitted suddenly from Ethan, distracting him from his thoughts. “There something on my face, Mark? Other than all the acne.”</p><p>Mark chuckled too as he explained himself. “Sorry. It was just... way too dark last night for me to really see you, so.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, true... But doesn’t that mean I could be some weirdo trying to take you who knows where?”</p><p>”Nah, I recognize your stupid voice.” Ethan giggled a little as he started to drive. He grabbed a pack of gum out of the cup holder, popping a piece in his mouth before offering the pack to him.</p><p>“Want some?”</p><p>“Thanks.” Mark accepted a strip, relishing the strong minty flavor as he chewed.</p><p>“So, um... what’s Amy doing today?”</p><p>“Sleeping in. Jet lag’s rough.”</p><p>“Yeah, true...” the blue haired boy looked like he wanted to say something else, but stayed silent after a moment of hesitation.</p><p>Mark thought he could take a pretty good guess at what Ethan was thinking. “If you’re wondering...” he started a little awkwardly, “I didn’t tell her about anything last night. And I just ended up leaving her a note saying I was going out to explore the town today.” Ethan nodded as he stopped at a stop light. Mark was happy to see him looking a little relieved.</p><p>“Uh, thanks.”</p><p>“You’re welcome.” He hadn’t felt the best about not telling the full truth to Amy, but it also seemed pretty wrong to tell her about his experience with Ethan without the boy’s permission.</p><p>Mark tried to lighten the mood with a joke. “You must get pulled over a lot, huh? Cops probably think you’re ‘bout twelve.”</p><p>Ethan laughed airily. “That’s so funny because I actually did once.”</p><p>The blue haired boy then launched into a story about how he was just driving and then the police asked to see his license. Mark listened happily as he rambled, just feeling glad Ethan was coming out of his shell a little bit. At first he seemed a bit shy and tentative, but in that moment Mark was realizing that the kid wasn’t so quiet after all. In fact, he seemed like he could talk for ages.</p><p>“But, yeah. That’s really all. The guy was all awkward and apologetic, I felt kinda bad.” Ethan finished right as they were pulling into an empty parking spot. Boy did time seem to fly when listening to stories. Mark replied with a short “aw” as he got out of the car. It chimed, indicating it was locked, and they were on their merry way.</p><p>Ethan walked ahead to hold the door for him. “After you, ma’am.”</p><p>Mark scoffed but thanked him quietly as he walked into the warm restaurant. It smelled strongly of maple syrup and coffee, which was quite the heavenly pair of aromas. It was simply the scent of morning to Mark, something he’d probably have a hard time explaining out loud.</p><p>“Good morning, what can I do for you guys today?” Said the woman behind the front desk.</p><p>Mark spoke up before Ethan had to. “Just a table for the two of us, please.”</p><p>“You got it.” She grabbed two menus and started to walk off into the neat rows of tables, but Mark stopped her in her tracks.</p><p>“Actually, can I have one kid’s menu for him-?”</p><p>Ethan went red in the face. “Mark!”</p><p>“Kidding, kidding.” Mark laughed.</p><p>The woman smiled amusedly as she led them to their table. While they walked, Mark examined the place; it was quite nice, with little tan pillars and swirly gold patterns all over. Kind of reminded him of a restaurant called the Cheesecake Factory back in LA, but a whole lot smaller.</p><p>“Here you guys are.” When the lady stopped at a table, Mark nearly ran straight into her. He quickly sat down across from Ethan to play it off.</p><p>“Your waiter will be here in a little bit, alright? For right now, though, if you guys wanna start thinking about drinks, they’ll be on the back of the menu. Just make sure no alcohol for the little one”, she winked humorously at Mark before walking off.</p><p>Mark laughed as he flipped his menu over, happy that the woman had played along. He glanced up from the list of beverages to look at Ethan, who seemed a bit embarrassed but was chuckling nonetheless, something he was glad to see. The last thing Mark wanted was to make someone feel uncomfortable by his humor.</p><p>“What’re you gonna drink?” Mark asked, trying to make conversation.</p><p>“Just water... what about you?”</p><p>“Coke.” He shrugged.</p><p>Ethan tipped his his head up thoughtfully, resting his elbows on the hard table. “You know what’s crazy? I’ve never had Coke.”</p><p>“What?!” Mark looked at him in utter disbelief, though it was mostly played up.</p><p>“I’ve just never had it. My, um”, he paused for a second, “my family used to only buy Pepsi.”</p><p>Mark frowned slightly, wondering why Ethan suddenly looked uncomfortable.</p><p>After having a whole silent debate in his head about it, he decided to ignore the behavior and reply normally. “Oh, that makes sense. I was gonna say...”</p><p>“Yeah.” Ethan smiled a tiny bit before turning back to his menu. “I think I’m gonna start looking at food.”</p><p>“Same”, Mark flipped open the three flaps of his own menu. “Do you come here a lot?”</p><p>“Yeah, kinda. I mean, not so much, um, these days, but I’ve been here tons of times.”</p><p>“Mm. Well, what’s good here?”</p><p>“I really like the seafood omelet. I think that one’s my favorite.”</p><p>“Looks good... but, damn, seems heavy. Anything lighter?”</p><p>“Uh”, Ethan skimmed his menu as a quick reminder. “Toast? Pancakes? English muffins?”</p><p>Mark thought for a moment. “Actually, I might just get the seafood omelet because I can bring half back to Amy instead of ordering her a whole different meal. Yeah, I’ll do that”, he decided. “Sorry for the hassle.”</p><p>“That’s fine. Good idea.”</p><p>“Yeah. What’re you getting?”</p><p>“Toast and scrambled eggs.”</p><p>“Nice. I wonder if-“ A tall man came up to their table with a nod and a smile.</p><p>“Hello gentlemen, how’re we doing this morning? I’m John and I’ll be taking care of you today”, he brought out a small notepad and pen from his apron. “Have you decided on some drinks?”</p><p>Mark and Ethan ordered their drinks and then their meals, requesting what they had discussed. Almost as soon as John walked away, though, the conversation drastically changed to jokes about how everyone probably thought they were either some weird gay coupled or a father with his son. Laughter filled their little booth as they took turns making each other giggle. When their drinks came, Ethan nearly died choking on his water.</p><p>“Oh my god...” Ethan wiped tears of laughter from his eyes with the fancy restaurant napkin, coughing a couple more times just for good measure.</p><p>“Oh my god indeed. You okay?” Mark asked, but he couldn’t keep himself from laughing a little bit-or a lot.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t I look fine to you, Markiplier?” Ethan looked up at him with his very red face and eyes. Mark burst into more laughter, but it was cut short when the waiter came with their food. The two of them eagerly cleared the table of anything that would get in the way of the plates.</p><p>It was quite clear that they were both fucking starving, Mark for one felt like a kid on Christmas Day.</p><p>“Alrighty then, is there anything else I can get you guys right now?” John asked.</p><p>“No, thank you.” They said simultaneously, mouths already full.</p><p>“Okay. Please enjoy.” Mark and Ethan ate mostly in silence, relishing the delicious brunch. Well, maybe not exactly “relishing”... they did eat pretty damn fast. Despite this, though, Mark still left part of his omelet for Amy as promised.</p><p>Ethan looked up from his clean plate with a small burp. “That was great. How was the omelet?”</p><p>“Amazing, dude.”</p><p>“Told ya.” Mark caught his eye and smiled. Ethan smiled back, genuine and happy, but there was a small undertone of sadness there that he decided to question about before his mind could tell him otherwise.</p><p>“What’s the matter?”</p><p>“Nothing...” was Ethan’s reply, but he looked more depressed by the second.</p><p>Mark ignored that and waited for a real answer. With a sigh, he caved.</p><p>“Well... I know this is kinda coming outta nowhere but, um... you’re leaving soon. And then I’m gonna be alone again.”</p><p>Mark thought carefully about his next words before answering. “We’ll stay in touch, buddy, but try not to think about that right now. I’m still here, see?” Mark waved his arms around like a mad man, which got a small, watery giggle out of Ethan.</p><p>“Alright. Thanks, Mark.”</p><p>John materialized out of thin air at their booth, holding the check. He placed it down in the center. “Whenever you gentlemen are ready.”</p><p>Without any hesitation, Ethan lunged towards the small leather folder in a manner that was almost animalistic. Mark wasn’t going to have this, though, so he batted lightly at Ethan’s hand and grabbed it himself. “No way in hell am I letting you pay, bitch.”</p><p>“Mark! This is my home town, making you the guest.”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“Therefore I should pay! Gimme.”</p><p>“No.” Mark was already signing receipts and sticking his debit card in the flap. He also pulled out paper dollars in order to tip the waiter.</p><p>Ethan huffed in annoyance. “I hate you.” Mark could only smirk triumphantly as he placed the check at the edge of the table.</p><p>John was back shortly after to take their check, and Mark could’ve sworn he gave Ethan a tiny apologetic glance.</p><p>Ethan took another couple sips of his water. “Um, when does your flight leave, Mark? You gonna be late?”</p><p>“Nah, we’re good. Flight leaves at 1:00, it’s only...” Mark checked the time on his phone, “11:30.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>“Yeah, but I should get going. Gotta make sure everything's in order back at the hotel and then head up to the airport.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Alright, you guys are all set. Don’t forget your to-go box, sir”, John said, back to return his card. Mark nodded, taking the card and food before leading Ethan back outside into the cold.</p><p>“Hey, Mark?” Ethan asked tentatively as he plopped into the driver’s seat.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I just wanted to say thanks. For everything... for caring.”</p><p>“Of course, Ethan.” And with that, the boys fell into a comfortable silence that lasted the rest of the ride. During that time, Mark simply thought about trivial things like whether their next hotel would be any good compared to the one they were at then, and if Amy would have time to eat the omelet he brought. They say that time goes by faster on the way back, and that was really how it felt to Mark as they pulled up to the hotel in seemingly seconds. He knew it was a trick of the mind but damn.</p><p>Ethan unlocked the doors and looked at him with a tiny smile that fully reached his eyes. They sparkled slightly with both happiness and longing. “Alright.”</p><p>“Alright”, Mark unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the door. “Look, you can text or call me anytime, okay? I know we’re both busy but I think we can make the time to keep in touch.”</p><p>Ethan nodded, hesitating before unbuckling his own seat belt and giving Mark a short hug. “Thanks again.”</p><p>“Don’t mention it, buddy.” Mark got out, shutting the door with a smile and a wave. He turned around and walked towards the hotel, heart heavy with a feeling of bittersweet. Part of him was pretty scared that he hadn’t gotten to know Ethan enough, that maybe the boy would just repeat his antics and Mark wouldn’t be able to stop him. He wasn’t sure just how bad his... issues were because it had felt wrong to ask, but he was almost starting to regret those risky decisions.</p><p>Mark shook his head as he stepped into the elevator, reminding himself that if anything were to happen he had his phone to rely on and the money to fly back out there if needed. It wasn’t much, really, but he’d work with what he had.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Mark: “Tell ‘em, Ethan.”</p><p>Ethan: “Oh, if you don’t have a filling in your pie then you don’t have a pie, fuckhole!”</p><p>(I’ve decided to start writing quotes of Markiplier Makes and Unus Annus at the end of chapters just because there are just so many floating around in my head.)</p><p>Anyways, yeah, I wrote this. If there are mistakes it’s probably because I don’t know how to use ao3 and I kept fucking up my text...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Trying to Understand</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, I might have gotten a little pissed last time when ao3 fucked up my writing but i think I’ve figured it out now. Maybe. I dunno, still made the spacing weird and didn’t feel like fixing it so ehhhhhh</p><p>Another thing: I just realized that there will be a whole lot of texting in this story until Ethan moves to LA (oOoOhhH big spoiler wowie) so be warned I guess.</p><p>Anyways, enjoy more angst from yours truly</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Mark rolled over in bed as the sound of his morning alarm echoed through the room. He groaned quietly and extended his arm over to stop it, careful not to wake Amy, who was fast asleep to his right. Mark knew she’d be getting up soon, but wanted her to do so by her own terms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark sat up and shimmied out of bed, grabbing his phone before padding carefully off to the bathroom. While he brushed his teeth he scrolled through Twitter and checked his messages, in which there was nothing really new or exciting. He ended up scrolling through an old conversation between him and Ethan, the one from the night before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-7:17 PM-</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mark!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Yes?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hi</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Hi</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>How are you?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Good ig</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wbu?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Good</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Good</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Did you see that one meme on Twitter?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Did you see that one needle in the haystack?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, fuck off xD</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You know the meme, dude</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The one that’s been goin around</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Yeah. It’s pretty funny</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>But the thing about memes is that they come and go so quickly. Kinda sucks tbh</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Like a meme is alive until the majority of people don’t find it funny anymore, and then the people that still use it get shit</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yea I know what you mean</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I guess it’s gotta be that way, huh? Memes are basically just jokes. Jokes get stale, and when that happens, you just gotta let them rest</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Mm, that makes sense. Interesting way of looking at it</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Whatcha doin?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Editing a video</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Want me to leave you to it? I know you’re an awful multitasker</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m offended by that bitch</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But yeah, kinda. Talk to ya later</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Bye babe &lt;3 &lt;3 &lt;3</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>See you, honey buns</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Adios mi amor</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Text you soon sweetheart sugar cinnamon roll baby cakes xoxo</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Ok, that’s a bit much 🤣gn</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Goodnight 😂👋</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark chuckled as he spit in the sink and rinsed his mouth. He considered shooting Ethan a text, but hesitated because he knew the boy had his earlier shift that day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But maybe he’s on his break, Mark thought. Or, at least, he will be soon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After finishing up in the bathroom and getting dressed, Mark jogged down the stairs and went into the kitchen to make coffee. His loud ass coffee machine got to work, the enticing aroma filling up the kitchen. He plopped down at the table and decided after all that he’d send a message to Ethan.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-7:45 AM-</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Hey</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leaving his phone at the table, Mark went to retrieve his coffee. He was pretty surprised when he heard the small device chime from across the room. Was Ethan really on break already? He returned to his spot with a deep green mug, one Amy had made for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hey</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Are you on break?? Kinda early</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No. I took the day off. Wasn’t feeling too well</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Ohh</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>You okay?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I mean, I guess</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>):</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Should I let you go? Need to get some rest?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I meant, I wanna talk to you. I’m lonely</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Oh</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Ok</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Is it just a cold or…?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Well uh</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Idk, I’m not really sick like that. Less of a physical thing really</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>..You ever just too sad to get out of bed?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>No, not really. But I think I understand</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Is there something I can do?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Just talk to me. About something else</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Mk</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>We should do a collab someday. Like, play some game, and then we can post it</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That sounds awesome</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What would we play?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Idk man</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Whatever we want</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’d love to. Let’s arrange it some time</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>For sure</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Been reading this really good book recently</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I know you wouldn’t understand because you don’t know how to read but</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Ethan didn’t answer right away, Mark started changing to different apps he hadn’t checked before, like his email and other social media. He did a couple of things and by the time he was done, it was bright as heck outside and the sun was beating straight through that one window he had on the far wall. He went to close the blinds and then checked his texts again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still no answer from Ethan.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Ethan?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tried not to get too worried; maybe the boy was simply tired and had fallen asleep. Despite this, though, he couldn’t help but feel a little weird about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark stood and walked down to his office, bringing his coffee with him. He closed the door behind him and plopped into the comfy desk chair that was in front of his setup. He started to edit his video from the day before, set on getting his mind off of his friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had barely gotten any progress, though, when his phone made that dinging sound it always made when he got texts. Mark’s anxiety peaked as he opened it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-8:14 AM-</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>It’s fine. You alright?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dunno. I’ll be fine probably</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Just had a mini breakdown… ahaha</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The typed out laugh sounded extremely sarcastic in Mark’s mind as he read it, which was kind of humorous for a moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>yikes</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>yea</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Do u wanna call?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sure ig</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark went to call Ethan, putting the phone up to his face as it rang. It only had time for two rings though before his blue haired friend answered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey”, Mark said softly, clicking away at his mouse as he worked on the video.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ethan sounded subdued and exhausted, pretty unlike the comedic and chipper tone he was used to hearing while they goofed off on calls.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe he couldn’t quite understand it, but depression sounded completely awful to Mark; he’d seen it and he knew that the sadness, the numbness, could literally suck every ounce of energy from someone. He knew that it could drain the life and motivation from them and absolutely destroy their well being.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He concluded that that was just what Ethan was feeling that day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark sighed, letting his thoughts swirl and change in his mind. “I miss you, Ethan. I wish we could talk face to face.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wish I had some other confirmation that you’re alright…” Mark felt the words rise in his throat before he could stop them, tone dripping with quiet concern. He winced as he hoped he didn’t seem overbearing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here, how about this, Mark”, Mark could hear rustling on the other end, which was probably just his friend moving around in the bed. “I’ll FaceTime you, and then you’ll stop fussing so much.” Ethan let out a small, breathy laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark smiled slightly. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As promised, Ethan hung up and followed through with a FaceTime call. “Hi.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello.” Mark studied his face. It was a little paler than usual, other than his nose and eyes, which were pinkish as if he’d been crying. Other than that, though, the boy didn’t look too bad.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Convinced?” Ethan asked with a tiny grin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… you look tired though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am, but I doubt I’ll be able to sleep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mm. Have you had some water? Somethin’ to eat? That might give you a little energy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, not really.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Well, you should.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright. In a bit. What’re you up to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Editing. About to record with Bob and Wade, actually, in a few minutes here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nice, nice. What’re you guys gonna do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uno.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cool.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark took a short pause to think about an edit he wanted to do before he spoke again. “Yeah. You gonna do any YouTube stuff today?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Probably later when I feel a little better.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mkay. Well that’s good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ethan hummed. “How’s Amy?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good, man, good. She and Kathryn have been lifesavers lately, with editing and working on big projects and stuff.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? That’s awesome.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm. Are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure </span>
  </em>
  <span>you’re not about to fall asleep on me, dude? You look dead.” Ethan’s eyes had become slits. He forced them back open, running the back of his hand over his face in a stretch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, maybe I lied just a little bit.” He mumbled, a tired smile playing on his lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark laughed. “Yeah. Wanna try to get some rest?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kinda. Talk to you later, Markimoo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, sleeping beauty.” He hung up with a small snort, thinking about the nickname.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark sighed, feeling a little better after the conversation. Though it had already been a little over four months since the incident that brought them together as friends, he was still prone to excessive worrying. He felt strangely responsible for the boy, even if he was certainly old enough to care for himself. Mark was sure the protectiveness came from seeing him almost jump from a rooftop, but nonetheless, he just hoped Ethan didn’t mind or think it was weird.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stopped editing his video (he’d ask Kathryn to do it later) and began setting up to record, already feeling the small tinge of frustration that came with playing Uno. Mark washed away his own worries with the thought of having about a million cards in his hand, telling himself to worry about other things later.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ethan: “In here we have big radiation poison... it makes your big rats bigger, and your sack hang lower.”</p><p> </p><p>Imma just vent for a second about this story okay? Okay.</p><p>So like I’m scared that I’ll do it wrong because I feel like I might not be able to plan it out correctly and make the timeline work, and I’m scared that I won’t have a healthy balance between angst/fluff and comedy, and I think that I might have too many time skips and that’ll make the whole thing not flow well. I’m not sure if there should be more conflict or less conflict in the story and I dunno if I should incorporate other characters more often. I also don’t know how much POV switching I should do. (I’m gonna stop myself right here before I get carried away lmao-)</p><p>Hope you guys are having a nice day/night ❤️</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Frost Laden Emotions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for not updating... here’s my explanation, and I wanna know if you guys have this too: I have to be in a certain mood in order to write at all. And it usually lasts a couple of days, but then I kind of lose motivation until it happens again. Does that happen to you?? Idk, never mind I guess.</p><p>Anyway, enjoy your frikin angst</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Fuck off, Ethan. I’m busy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just wondering if you knew where the shovel is- the snow shovel. I couldn’t find it, I-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get out! I’m fucking doing something!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan flinched and ducked his head before backing away from his brother. He knew this was a bad idea, to talk to him while he was drunk like that. Well, he supposed it was fairly rare for him not to be, but still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well fuck...” he mumbled as he went to check the garage for the thousandth time. Ethan knew it was around somewhere, and he’d be damned if he had to go buy another one with his own pocket money.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan loved the winter, but not as much as he once did, so he discovered. Because now there were no presents under the tree or other people to shovel the deep overnight snow in the driveway. Hell, there wasn’t even any hot cocoa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, maybe they’d have hot cocoa if Ethan’s brother would stop spending all the money on beer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit, there it is”, he whispered, jarring himself from his thoughts. Leaned up against the house in the backyard was that rusty snow shovel he’d never been more happy to see. He retrieved it and set to hard work in the front, breathing heavily as he moved load after load of snow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time he had finished he was sweating quite profusely. Damn, he sure was out of shape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan dropped the shovel and looked up, sucking in the fresh, icy air. Since it was Sunday and he didn’t work weekends, he’d had the opportunity to sleep in that morning, meaning the sun was already pretty high in the sky. Despite having snowed heavily in the night, it was actually a pretty nice day, something he knew he shouldn’t take for granted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe I’ll go on a walk, Ethan thought as he stowed the shovel away in the garage, where he’d easily be able to find it again. He made a wide curve around the basement door, doing his best to avoid his brother as he grabbed his phone. Before going out the front door, though, he did a double take, feeling as though he’d forgotten something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wandered back into his room and grabbed his ukelele. Maybe he’d use it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Feeling satisfied, Ethan burst back into the great outdoors. He didn’t have a jacket but he knew that would be fine. The faint and gentle beams of sun were enough for him to feel comfortable in this weather.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ended up stopping at the small frost covered playground he liked to come to sometimes. Ethan often sat on the swingset to sing some song and play his ukelele, which was known to effectively soothe him and clear his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew there wouldn’t be kids playing there; there never were. Most of the younger children in Ethan’s neighborhood lived a few blocks down, by the other playground. This meant it was always peace and quiet for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ouch”, Ethan mumbled, hand scratching on the sharp edges of wire that were at the top of the gate. He gingerly pushed it open, careful not to give himself a cut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan used his shirt sleeve to wipe the ice off of the swing before sitting heavily. He drew in a deep breath and let it out, content. His mind always felt just a little clearer when he was away from everything, away from the constantly moving cycle of the life he led. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched the sparse little clouds go by above him, mindlessly strumming out a few chords on his ukelele and humming. It felt amazing to be alone with his thoughts like this, especially after dealing with his brother earlier that morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After several minutes of basically just thinking, Ethan decided to check his phone for anything. Perhaps there was something even remotely interesting going on, or maybe some of his fans had new fanart to show him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first thing he saw, though, was a missed text from his friend Mark.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-11:08 AM-</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Hi</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-12:01 PM-</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hi</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry I was busy lol. Whats up</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Nothin</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Just wanted to say hi</b>
</p><p>
  <b>And ask if you’re doing any better than you were the other day</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>O</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah I’m doing a lot better. Friday was just on of those days I guess</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>*one</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Well that’s good.. that you feel better now</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>mhm</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wyd</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Laying in my bed</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Honestly slacking lmao</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Same</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Well, the slacking part. Should be recording but instead im out at the park</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>damn</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Did you know you’re literally the first YouTuber I met that goes outside</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>hahaha</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wow, no. But I’m honored</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>You should be</b>
</p><p>
  <b>And not to even mention that cold ass weather you somehow deal with</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I think I’d actually die</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah, you would die</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’d be too stubborn to go out in the cold</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>so then you wouldn’t get groceries and you’d starve to death</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>touché… touché</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I’m boooooored</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah, yeah</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Wow. Ok, bitch</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Do you not care</b>
</p><p>
  <b>?</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>nope</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Mm, that’s fair</b>
</p><p>
  <b>wanna call for a sec</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>sure</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan waited but half a second before Mark’s icon appeared on the screen of his buzzing phone. He picked up. “Hey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi”, Ethan noticed that Mark sounded kinda tired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wassup?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothin’ much… you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Same… what time is it there? Seven?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s eight… I should honestly be up by now. I’m just so tired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’re you so tired?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, like, did not sleep last night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dunno. Probably too busy thinking about shit, like upcoming videos and new projects.” Mark shifted his position loudly, sheets rustling on the other side of the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm, well… you-“ Ethan stopped and coughed into his hand. “Ugh, shit, I choked on my spit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark snickered. “What was that? You choked on some dick?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you like this, Mark?” Ethan sighed with fake exasperation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, you know you love it”, Mark chuckled. “What were we talking about again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who cares? It’s impossible to keep one subject with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You right. Guess we might as well change it”, Mark cleared his throat. “How’ve you been doing, uh, lately? In general… not just, like, today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan was silent for a second, because he knew exactly what Mark meant by that. Sometimes he forgot that the man in question had saved him from a fucking rooftop, about to end it all. Of course he’d be worried about Ethan’s mental state from time to time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thing was, though, Ethan really couldn’t answer honestly to those types of questions. Yes, he did feel pretty good that day, but depression had a certain way of always lingering in the back of one’s mind. A constant reminder that Mark saving him was only a reset to the timer, and soon he’d be feeling the same suicidal feelings again. Soon, it would all get to be too much again. No avoiding it, no forgetting it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it hurt… it hurt so bad. But the last thing he wanted was for it to hurt Mark too. So Ethan lied. “Good… I mean, I’m alright. Things have been better lately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great, Ethan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan felt a small pang in his chest. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m gonna have to catch you later cuz I really need to get up now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, you lazy bum.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hypocrite… bye, babe.” Mark’s joking tone rang in his ears as they hung up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan sighed a bit before standing, feeling a little melancholy. It really was bittersweet, his friendship with Mark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he took the trek home he thought about it, half melted snow crunching quietly beneath his boots. The sound was oddly gentle and satisfying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was hard to understand most of his feelings, especially since the incident… everything was just suddenly so overwhelming. Depression itself was so complicated to him that he felt he couldn’t explain it verbally to another person if he tried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that was alright. He didn’t need to... right?</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>-“Remember, the safe word is please!”-</p><p>I was kind of frustrated with this chapter. I feel like the last couple have been too similar and I need to move the story along... but I don’t wanna skip too much time. I wanna find the perfect balance and don’t wanna fuck it up. God, am I overthinking this? Am I being too much of a perfectionist? Ah, probably... but oh well.</p><p>See ya, thanks for reading and whatnot.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. A Change For the Better</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey. I’ve been really busy but I did this so... yay? Kinda did the thing I didn’t want to do, which was skip a ton of time at once, but I just wasn’t feeling motivated to write a chapter like the last couple, so I moved the story along. Hope you don’t mind too much.</p><p>Enjoy your fricken angst</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The next seven months seemed to go by in a complete blur. A blur of ups and downs, of a trillion emotions and experiences. Ethan was grateful for all of it because it allowed him to grow a lot as a person, to try his best in pushing through hard times rather than giving up. Mark was also essential in helping him, because quite frankly Ethan couldn’t deny that he still dealt with suicidal thoughts and needed the support from a friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Although they usually talked pretty consistently, sometimes communication faltered because of their busy lives. This always scared Ethan; he feared they would lose touch because they lived so far from each other, with no means other than texting and calling to talk. Even with Mark’s reminders that he’d never willingly abandon him, the worry was still there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was how Ethan felt as he stared blankly at the wall, eyes trained on a certain groove in the plaster. Mark hadn’t texted him in quite a while; almost a month, actually. Ethan felt like if he texted then maybe he’d be bothering the man, so he simply waited for a message, a typical check in or even a happy belated birthday… but nothing came.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clingy bastard…” Ethan mumbled frustratedly. He truly hadn’t known this side of himself until he met Mark. Yeah, the clingy side was a whole new thing. He couldn’t seem to get his mind off of whether Mark didn’t text because he was angry with him about something, or perhaps he just didn’t care about Ethan anymore. Thinking about this stuff brought out so many obsessive and over dramatic worries, something he hated a whole damn lot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan ran his fingers vigorously through his hair, trying to calm his mind as he stood. Not only did he have things to do for his growing channel, but thoughts like that would not do him any good whatsoever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was already walking away when his phone buzzed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit.” Ethan jumped and turned right back around, a spike of excitement spearing him. It was probably Mark; not many other people texted him.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-10:00 PM-</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Hey, Ethan. Can we call? It’s really important, but if you’re busy we can talk about it later or tomorrow</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Important? Was something wrong?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit, hi. Yeah let’s talk</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark called before Ethan could even form another coherent thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Ethan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi. Is everything okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, everything is great. I actually… well, I have an offer for you, Ethan.” It was easy to tell from Mark’s tone that he was grinning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan had never received a better offer in his goddamn life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan’s smile couldn’t be contained as he received his plane ticket from Mark via text. He felt giddy as he clicked on the image and zoomed in on the date: November first, just four days from then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It all still felt like a dream… because, well, that’s exactly what it was: his </span>
  <em>
    <span>dream</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Literally nothing had ever compelled Ethan more than doing YouTube stuff full time and forgetting about everything that had happened in Maine. Of course, he’d miss it here; he’d heard the stars weren’t quite as bright in LA. But he knew that overall he’d feel happier without seeing the same things every day, the same things that reminded him of all the bad things. A change of pace and scenery would be good for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not to mention, he could finally be reunited with his good friend Mark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By this point, Ethan honestly felt like he was eternally indebted to Mark Fischbach. The man had done this whole thing for his birthday, paying for tickets and all, and hadn’t been texting only because he didn’t want to ruin the surprise. He had fussed about being a little late, but Ethan could not care less. What did it matter that he was happier than he’d been all year on his actual birthday? He had no complaints, only thankfulness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Mark didn’t stop there. He said he was going to pay for all of Ethan’s improv lessons, which was completely absurd. When Ethan tried to shut that down, though, Mark’s response was a quick “I pre-paid for them as soon as you agreed to move down here.” Something told Ethan that Mark anticipated the protests… goddamnit. He won this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay… okay. Pack, Ethan, pack, you’ve still gotta prep videos…” Ethan murmured to himself as he pulled himself back to reality. He had plenty of shit to do in the little time he had before the big move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan just hoped that everything would go as planned.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>-“I’ve been thinking to myself... I don’t like green beans that much. And I don’t know why!” </p><p>Sorry the chap is short, I’m tired</p><p>See you in the next one though, lads...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Warm Welcomes and a New Beginning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>oops I haven’t updated this in a minute hahahaaaaaaa</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ethan stood in the boarding line, rocking back and forth on his heels. He was irreversibly excited at this point, every nerve in his body simply </span>
  <em>
    <span>buzzing</span>
  </em>
  <span>. God, Ethan couldn’t recall ever feeling this way before about something. He began to recount the whole situation for the millionth time in his mind:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I am about to board a flight to LA to help run my friend Mark’s channel and also work on further growing my own… check.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I am going to live there for a long time and make friends… check.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of this is paid for… check.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I still can’t believe this isn’t a fucking dream… </span>
  <em>
    <span>check.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you stop that?!” Asked an irritated woman from in front of him, turning around on heavy shoes with a glare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan blinked and stopped moving, the giddy smile suddenly wiped off his lips. As he stared at the lady, though, he felt it coming slowly back, spreading gently back across his face. “Sorry, ma’am, I’m just excited is all”, a light giggle floated from his mouth. Nothing could ruin his current mood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She huffed and turned back around just as a man’s voice came over the loudspeaker. “Now boarding: Los Angeles, California.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan felt like he might cry from happiness. Man, not even in his wildest fantasies did Ethan get to do things this amazing. This move was the start of something completely new, something extraordinary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Specifically, the start of exactly what he needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>i’m outside. Standing at pick up, dead center</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tho I wouldn’t put it past your dumbass to miss a bright blue beacon such as i</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>stfu. I’m pulling in now, calm your scrawny ass</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>D:</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan shoved his phone back into his jeans pocket with jittery hands and began to look around, letting his eyes adjust to the light. LA was beautiful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The airport had palm trees scattered about, which were so tall Ethan’s heart pounded just looking at the swaying leaves way up there. His ears were filled with the sounds of people chatting and laughing, voices fading in and out as they passed by. The air smelled surprisingly of the salty sea, with just a hint of air pollution and mouth-watering restaurant food. The sky was clear and the sun hot, hence all the people wearing shorts and sunglasses… even though it was September. Jesus, Mark wasn’t kidding about this being the opposite of Maine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Speaking of Mark, the honk of a horn right in front of Ethan and the shout of “hey, dummy!” brought him effectively from his thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mark!” Ethan clumsily gathered his things back into his arms and ran towards the car that had honked. He could hardly breathe for the sudden excitement, pulse pounding in his ears and suitcase trailing roughly behind. Mark popped the trunk, and Ethan wasted absolutely no time shoving his stuff in there before getting in the car and tackling his grinning friend with a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Ethan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Mark, I can’t even believe this is happening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me neither… now get off before you kill me, dimwit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bitch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cuck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Idiot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Asshole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan sat heavily in the seat with a laugh, shining eyes still trained on Mark. The man’s hair was newly dyed blue, although a lighter shade than his at the time. Other than that, though, the man physically hadn’t changed much. There was a bright smile on his face as he in turn looked over Ethan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s really great to see you”, Mark said genuinely before turning away and beginning to drive, weaving precariously through the full parking lot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You too, Mark. I… can’t thank you enough for this, man. I’ve never gotten even close to an opportunity like this before, but then… you just </span>
  <em>
    <span>gave </span>
  </em>
  <span>it to me. Like, what the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck…</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m so thankful, is all.” Ethan’s hands fidgeted in his lap, the words he’d thought about so carefully on the plane suddenly not coming as easy. What’s more, he felt himself tearing up a little, which was less than ideal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what friends are for, Eth. Honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way”, a pause, “you deserve this. I mean that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now Ethan was really tearing up. “Shit, dude, I told myself I wouldn’t cry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark only smiled, handing him a tissue from his cup holder. Ethan thought vaguely about Mark’s words as he wiped his eyes… Jesus, no, he couldn’t possibly deserve this. What good things had he done? Only sheer luck would have brought him all the way out here, to sunny California. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His only job now was to not fuck this fresh start up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, not to be that guy”, Ethan started as they pulled up to park at Mark’s office, “but what’s the game plan? What are we doing? Am I gonna start today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark frowned in thought as he parked the car. “No… well, we’re gonna stop by here first, get you acquainted with everyone, drop off your luggage and head to lunch with the crew. Does that sound alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Ethan smiled, opening the door to get out. Damn, it really was hot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked side by side in silence, up a flight of stairs until a polished wooden door came into view. Ethan froze abruptly on the second to last step, suddenly nervous. His thoughts started running like water.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What if they don’t like me? Maybe I’ll make a fool of myself. What if Mark stops liking me? Then I’ll have to fly all the way home and-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ethan? You alright?” Mark looked back at him, key in hand. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern at his friend’s spaced-out appearance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry”, Ethan managed, still not moving from where he stood as nerves attacked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark came back to stand by Ethan’s side, keys jingling as he gently put a hand on his shoulder. “Eth?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan took a deep breath and blinked before answering. “Sorry. I’m just a little… overwhelmed, is all. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t apologize. It’s okay to need a minute.” He sat down on the step, beckoning for the younger to follow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan sighed, feeling the cool concrete beneath his butt. He tried to calm himself down as they sat in silence. Jesus, of all the times for his anxiety to start bothering him…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone in that room is super sweet, Ethan, if that’s what you’re worried about. They are gonna love you. I promise.” Mark’s soft voice cut through his thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan only nodded before standing. He didn’t think he could bear to waste any more of Mark’s time with his bullshit. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark grinned and unlocked the door before Ethan could do any more thinking, which he was internally grateful for. They stepped into a large, bright room, which was also heavily air conditioned (thank God).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan could immediately see three people: two lounging about on a couch while the other was in a small kitchen, washing his hands. He followed Mark tentatively forward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two women on the couch hopped up excitedly, shooting blinding smiles in their direction. Ethan recognized one of them as Amy once they got closer, but didn’t know the name of the other girl with the short dark hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is Ethan”, Mark introduced as Tyler sidled up behind pixie cut girl. “Careful, though, he’s shy.” Ethan knew he was only kidding, but still blushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi…” he murmured, embarrassed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Ethan. I’m Amy.” Amy didn’t say much but her smile was as genuine as could be when she shook his hand. Her yellow-ish dyed hair fell softly around almond eyes and supple shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pixie cut girl came up next. “My name is Pam, it’s great to meet you! I’m not here as often but I’m sure the others will make sure you’re right at home here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pam’s excited voice matched her small figure and upbeat posture. It was kind and outgoing and made Ethan like her immediately. He grinned. “Nice to meet you too…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tyler walked up last. “Tyler.” They shook hands. Ethan couldn’t help but notice that Tyler was tall as hell, like, taller than he seemed in videos. He also had broad shoulders and pretty large muscles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ethan turned back to Mark after meeting the three people, a small grin evident on his face. Mark smiled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he here?” Came a different voice all of the sudden. This voice was softer, a little bit more coy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah”, replied Mark as he beckoned a woman forward. She had dark, straight hair just past her shoulders and rectangle glasses that framed a round face. “Kathryn, this is Ethan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, I’m Kathryn. Welcome.” She smiled, pushing her glasses up over bright brown eyes. Ethan smiled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See? I told you they’d like you, Ethan.” Mark said happily, filling a bit of an awkward silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Mark, he’s adorable!” Pam blurted with a played up squeal. Everyone laughed while Ethan blushed, but he eventually joined in on the laughter too, much to everyone's delight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is just the beginning, Ethan thought while his new coworkers started to disperse once more, getting back to their respective tasks. They shot him kind, welcoming smiles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could get used to this.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>-“I KILLED MY DOG AND ATE MY KID I KISSED MY SISTER LAST NIGHHT.”-</p><p> </p><p>Okay y’all listen,,, I’m sorry</p><p>I would say that I’ve been busy but that’s kind of half a lie... thing is, i watched Hamilton and it consumed my waking days, causing me to not update this sooooo sorryyy.</p><p>Also i don’t think this chapter is quite as descriptive as others have been, so for that I also apologize. I’m really tired</p><p>Gnight.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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